


The Boy Who Flew too Close to the Sun

by Hoshi_757



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Fluff, Headcanon, Inspired by Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Levi Ackerman Needs a Hug, Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith Fluff, M/M, POV Levi Ackerman, Past Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith, Pining, Romantic Fluff, Titans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 00:07:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30130959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hoshi_757/pseuds/Hoshi_757
Summary: Levi never thought he’d fall in love with the man he'd vowed to kill.Post ACWNR, basically just shameless Eruri fluff. I promise it’s not sad :)
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith
Comments: 38
Kudos: 174





	1. Chapter I

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is my first time writing so I hope you like it :) Just wanted to write something cute for Eruri because I love them so much. Dedicating this to mooninthewoods thank you for inspiring me <3 I hope you like it.

Levi nursed a hot cup of tea between his palms, feeling sick to his stomach. It had been more than a month since he’d joined the Survey Corps. Exactly one month after he’d first set foot outside the walls. An exactly one month after he’d last heard Isabel and Furlan’s voices. 

He closed his eyes, and images of them flashed quickly through his head. He saw them riding away, Isabel waving goodbye, just before they’d been swallowed by the rain. He saw the Titan throwing Furlan’s body across the ground. He saw Isabel’s head lying on the ground, eyes staring blankly back at him. 

He opened his eyes and swallowed audibly. _Get your shit together. This isn’t a time to lose control._ He couldn’t risk being distracted in the upcoming expedition. 

Too absorbed in his thoughts, he didn’t notice the hand that was snaking towards his shoulder until it was too late. He reacted purely on instinct, reaching up to crush the hand that had fallen in his shoulder. 

“OW! Goddammit Levi - ouch! Let g- LEVI!” 

“Don’t touch me,” he hissed, brusquely releasing the vice-like grip he had on Hange’s hand. Whimpering, they brought their hand up to their chest, nursing the fingers and shooting a scared glance at Levi. The brunet rolled his eyes and turned back to his tea, hoping that Hange would take the hint and walk away, but after a few minutes of trying to ignore them while they showed no signs of moving, he swiveled around on the bench. 

“Why are you still here?” he shot them a deadly glare, but Hange seemed unfazed. They dropped their hand to their side and grinned. 

“I and a few others are having a drink tonight. You know, good luck before an expedition and all. You should come!” 

“What?” Levi couldn’t help the tone of incredulity from his voice. 

“I said-”

“I heard you the first time, I’m not deaf.”

Hange opened their mouth as if to speak, but after taking one good look at Levi’s deepening frown, they thought better of it. Hange was inviting him to drink? With other soldiers? Levi didn’t understand in what universe the brunette thought that was a good idea. Most people in the corps hated him, and the few soldiers who didn’t just looked at him warily when he got near. Showing up to drinks would only earn him glares and make him feel worse than he already did. 

After what seemed like an eternity of awkward silence, Hange cleared their throat. 

“So, um, it’s decided then! See you on the rooftop in fifteen minutes. Don’t be late!” 

Hange started walking away and Levi’s frown deepened. He considered calling them back and snapping at them for daring to invite him and decided the effort was too much. He would simply not show up. 

Was Hange making fun of him by inviting him, knowing he would not be welcome? It must be that. Or Hange simply had shit for brains, as Levi had suspected all along. No one here would actually want to be his friend, not after the rumor of how Levi had tried to kill Erwin had spread amongst the soldiers. Levi tried to push Hange out of his thoughts and returned to his tea. He just wanted this horrible day to be over. 

☼☼☼

Half an hour later, Levi was dragging himself back to his room. He’d never felt so tired in his life; his eyes were fluttering closed every few seconds and his limbs felt like lead. He wanted nothing more than to sink into his bunk and sleep until the morning. 

Yet, he knew once he reached the bed, sleep would elude him, as it had been doing for the past month. The universe was not so kind as to lend him a brief respite from his guilt through sleep. He had survived, and Isabel and Farman had not. Since their deaths, he has lain awake at night, half delusional from the lack of sleep, images of bloody heads and glowing red eyes flashing in his mind. 

He rounded the corner to his room and stopped dead in his tracks. With his annoyance heightened by his tiredness, he let slip a flurry of curses that made the soldier in front of him gasp. 

“Is ‘motherfucker’ a proper word to call your friend?” Hange cried indignantly, crossing their arms over their chest. Levi pinched his forehead between his fingers, fighting to keep his temper in check. At that moment, he wanted nothing more to do than to throw Hange out the window so they would move out of the way. 

“Move. You’re blocking the door to my room,” he hissed, stepping forward. 

“Yes, that’s obviously what I intended,” Hange laughed softly, and Levi nearly groaned out loud with annoyance. “I was surprised when you didn’t show up to the rooftop, and I realized you must have gotten lost. I’m here to lead the way!” 

“No. Move.” 

“Come on Levi, please, you’ll have fun!” Levi tried sidestepping the brunette, but they blocked Levi’s path and smiled again. 

“Please please everyone will be there! Come onnnn Levi, please! Please please!”

“Goddammit. Do you ever shut up? I said no.” 

Hange’s voice was making his head hurt. He wanted to _sleep,_ he wanted to _forget,_ and…

And he wouldn’t be able to do that in his bed, just as he hadn’t been able to do it for the past month. On the other hand, if he was drunk… 

“Fine. Let’s go.”

“Please Levi you- wait, what?” 

“Do those stupid glasses make you deaf too? I said let’s go.” 

Hange cried gleefully and rushed forward, circling an arm around Levi’s neck. He pushed them off with a grunt. Unfazed, they tried again and started pulling Levi forward before he had time to remove their arm. 

“We’re going to have so much fun!” 

Levi was already regretting his decision. 

After a few minutes of Hange dragging him through the halls of the base, they reached the door that led to the rooftop. Hange turned to grin at him excitedly as they opened the door. Levi responded with a glare. 

A cold gust of air hit him, and he shivered. He surveyed the crowd and he felt his stomach clench when everyone’s eyes glanced up to meet his. The expressions on the soldier’s faces ranged from confusion to mild annoyance. Levi frowned. 

“Hey guys!” Hange cooed, bouncing excitedly on their feet, “I invited Levi! Fun, right?”

Levi braced himself for the moment where everyone would yell at Hange for inviting him, tell him he was not welcome, and send him off. Instead, everyone shrugged and returned to their drinks. _What the hell?_

“See?” Levi turned to the older soldier and found Hange was smiling at him slightly, “There was nothing to worry about. We’re going to have fun.”

Levi willed the angry expression in his eyes to die down and took a deep breath. Everything was all right. People didn’t seem to want to kill him, and he was going to get drunk and sleep well. The night was beautiful, and the moon was-

He froze. Hange turned back and said something, but Levi barely registered it. His eyes were fixed on the moon. 

It was three-quarters full, just like it was that day when he’d come up here with Isabel and Furlan to watch the stars before the mission. Through the ringing in his ears, Levi heard her voice again: “Look, Bro! The moon is so bright!”

Someone was calling his name. The moon was casting its harsh light over the rooftop, judging him for surviving, judging him for not protecting them, for letting them die. Exactly one month had passed since that day when Levi had first stepped outside the walls, and the moon was reminding him of how he’d failed. 

A hand fell on his shoulder, and he was brought back to reality. He twisted out of Hange’s grasp and took a few quick steps backward, to the safety of inside. 

“Levi! Are you ok? You look pale…” Hange glanced down at his hands, which were trembling softly. Levi willed them to stop and coaxed his face into his usual bored frown. 

“I’m going to sleep.”

This time, Hange said nothing when he turned around and slammed the door behind him. Levi rushed down the stairs and through the hallways, finally collapsing in front of his room. He curled in on himself, head on his knees with his arms wrapped around them, and willed his rushing heart to stop. This wasn’t him. He always had control of his emotions. He had to be okay, he couldn’t let their death affect him like this. He hadn’t killed them, it had been the Titan. It had been Lobov for sending them on that cursed mission in the first place. It _wasn’t_ his fault. 

When a shuddering breath slipped past his lips, Levi felt panic start to set in. When had he lost so much control? He was full out trembling now, and he wrapped his arms tighter around himself to control the shaking. He needed to get in his room; no one could see him like this. 

He raised his head and his heart crashed to a stop. Squad Leader Erwin was standing in front of him, eyebrows furrowed slightly, mouth set in a thin line. Levi just stared at him, unable to speak. Just how long had he been standing there, seeing Levi break down?

“Levi, are you okay?” His voice was laced with concern, and Levi felt his embarrassment drain to be replaced by anger. How dare he act as if he cared?

“As if you give a fuck what I feel,” he snarled. Erwin’s frown deepened, “I’m fine.”

“You look pale. Are you nervous about the upcoming expedition?” 

Levi stared at him incredulously for a few seconds before a ragged laugh rang in his throat. 

“No, you asshole, it’s not the fu-”

“Oh,” Erwin interrupted. The pieces seemed to click inside his mind, and his eyes widened slightly for a fraction of a second with understanding. “I understand. I’m sorry. I’ve lost many of my friends too, and the first month is always the hardest.” 

Levi was almost trembling with barely contained rage. When he’d gained back some semblance of control, he opened his mouth. 

“Don’t you dare talk about them,” he whispered. Erwin blinked, shocked by the venom in Levi’s voice, “ _You_ of all people have NO RIGHT to t-”

“Levi!” Erwin’s interrupted, eyes flashing dangerously, “Grief and losing loved ones is part of life in the Survey Corps. You can grieve, of course, but you can’t lose control. We’ve all learned to live with it, you have to learn too.”

Levi just stared at him, seeing red. Erwin continued. 

“When we leave in two days you have to be in control of your emotions. It would be a disservice to Isabel and Furlan if you didn’t.”

“You didn’t know them, you can’t speak for them, don’t talk abo-”

“Enough Levi,” Erwin’s voice was calm, but it made Levi shut up instantly. Erwin’s frown lessened and he continued, “I admit I didn’t know them well, but I’m sure they wouldn’t have wanted you to die because you’re distracted with their deaths. They would have wanted you to live. So get a hold of yourself. The best way to honor them is to kill the beasts that took them from you.”

Levi could only stare silently at the Squad Leader, lips parted slightly in surprise. Erwin looked at him for a few seconds and stretched a hand out for Levi to take. When it became clear that the brunet was not going to take it, Erwin dropped it back to his side with a sigh. 

“Get some sleep, soldier. I expect you to be at your best when we leave. Dismissed.”

Erwin turned on his heel and walked off, leaving Levi staring after him. The soldier slowly got to his feet and slipped into his room, removing his clothes quickly to fall into his bed. As much as he hated to admit it, Erwin was right. He couldn’t afford to be distracted when he faced the Titans again. He needed to be in control so he could kill every last one of them. He closed his eyes and willed sleep to come. 

For the first time since he’d joined the Survey Corps, Levi was able to sleep. Although his nightmares still woke him up in the middle of the night, in the morning he felt better than he had in ages. 

☼☼☼

The morning of the 24th Expedition Outside the Walls was on top of them. Levi tried to drown out the voices of the nervous soldiers around him to focus on Erwin. The Squad Leader was standing next to Commander Shadis, and he was reviewing for the final time the modifications that were made to the scouting formation. They would be using flare guns to communicate, a smart move from the blond. Shadis was nodding along to everything that Erwin said, and Levi wondered, not for the first time, who was the true commander of the corps. Erwin basically already handled every aspect of the Crops; Shadis was just a figurehead. 

“Levi.”

Levi tore his gaze from Erwin to concentrate on Mike when he heard his name being called. He’d been transferred to the blond’s squad after the previous expedition. Levi suspected it was because Mike could take him in a fight should he try anything like what he did the last time. They would be riding next to Shadis and Erwin’s squad, in the center of the formation. 

When Mike glared at him and stayed silent, Levi remembered his manners. 

“Yes…?” When Mike glared deeper, Levi frowned, “Yes, _Squad Leader_?”

He tried to coat his voice with as much contempt as he could, but the blond either didn’t notice or didn’t care. 

“Stay behind me at all times, and don’t attack unless I tell you to. The success in these missions stands on the squad working together. Understood?”

“Understood.”

Mike nodded and returned to the front of the squad. Everyone was shuffling into their positions as the gate creaked slowly open. 

“Soldiers!” Shadis roared, “Today we will finish the mission. Nothing will get in our way! We'll show those monsters the strength of humanity!”

Levi heard his comrades roars as they raised their fists in the air. He couldn't bring himself to cheer. Not today. 

“We will now begin the 24th Expedition Beyond the Walls! Forward, everyone!”

The Survey corps thundered out of the gates. Levi breathed deeply and felt some tension melting away from his body. There were no walls here. He was free. 

They spent the first two hours of the expedition galloping forward with no trouble. Levi let himself relax slightly. Everything was all right. They wouldn’t have to face any Titans. They would finish mapping out the area and they would be _fine._

Every once in a while, Levi caught Erwin looking back over his shoulder to catch his gaze. _What the hell? Does he think I’m going to try to kill him again?_ On one of those occasions, Levi shot back a defiant glare, hoping to get the blond to stop. Erwin raised an eyebrow (was that amusement he saw in his eyes?) and turned back around. Levi nearly let out an audible growl of frustration. 

At exactly the two-hour mark, trouble hit. They were galloping across a wide plain, heading towards what seemed like a cluster of hills on the horizon, when they heard the telltale stomping of feet. Levi turned his head with a curse. To their right, two five-meter Titans were barreling towards them. A few hundred meters behind them, a large cluster of 5 and 8-meters were advancing in the same direction. 

The right flank released the red flares, and Shadis shot a green flare to his left. The whole formation started shifting, but after a few minutes, it became evident that the Titans were approaching quicker than they could run. 

“Mike!” Levi yelled, all formalities forgotten. The five-meters were only two hundred meters away from the squad. They needed to engage, now. “Mike! I can take them down!”

“Keep to the formation!”

Levi cursed and spurred his horse to go faster. These Titans had to be abnormals, they were moving way too fast. They would catch up, and it would be Isabel and Furlan all over again. There were no trees nearby where the soldiers could use their gear correctly. His heart hammered in his chest as he caught up to his Squad Leader. 

“Mike! They’re all going to die!” 

The blond turned his head, took one look at the Titans, and nodded. Levi stood up shakily in his horse, blades clutched in his grasp. The abnormals were only a hundred meters away now. There were no trees. He would have to improvise. 

He took aim, and his hook hit right on the target: the Titan’s shoulder. With a soft hiss of gas, Levi was flying, wind whipping past his face so quickly that his eyes watered. The Titan saw him approaching, and just as it was raising its hand to slap Levi away, he released the hook and used the other to attach to the opposite arm. He curled around the Titan’s form, body straining from the momentum, until he had a clear view of the nape. He surged forward, twisting his blades, and brought them down against the soft skin. The titan collapsed immediately, and Levi had to jump to prevent the arm from crushing him. He curled in on himself as he fell, trying to break the impact of the fall. 

Raising his head, he realized the other abnormal had missed him completely and was a few meters in front of him. This one would be easy. He clipped his hook directly onto the nape and brought down the titan with a quick swipe of his blades. When he fell, his horse was waiting for him, a few feet away. Without wasting time, he jumped on and pushed her into a run, trying to reach the rest of the formation. He’d bought them time. Now it was up to Shadis and Erwin to find a way to save them. 

“We’re going to the trees. We won’t be able to move with that horde of titans at our heels,” Mike told him when Levi finally caught up. 

“Who said?”

“Erwin.”

Levi fell back to his position, nodding to himself. It was a smart move from the Squad Leader; the trees would give them maneuver space and would make it easier to take down the Titans. The trees were a long way off to their left, and Levi prayed that they would reach them before the Titans. 

It turned out Levi’s worries were unfounded. The Corps reached the forest well before the Titans and were currently perched on the tall branches, waiting for the Titans to catch up so they could swoop down and kill them. There was still a chance to save the mission. Levi was crouching on his branch, analyzing the foliage below. 

He would kill as many Titans as he could today. He would kill every last one of them so that no one would die under his watch. This was his tribute to Isabel and Furlan, a way to find the redemption he knew he didn't deserve. With each kill, he hoped to chip away some of the guilt he felt, as if with each kill he was making sure that their deaths had meant something. 

“Levi.” 

The brunet turned to see Erwin land gracefully on his branch. 

“I need you to go to the edge of the forest and take down the Titans as they start coming in. You have more experience than most of us with maneuvering between tight places. Mike, Rico, and Grace will be at the front as well. I assume the trees won’t be any trouble?”

“Yeah, ok,” Levi shrugged, “I'll take down the Titans.”

“Good.”

Erwin turned around, legs bent to fly away, and hesitated briefly. He turned around, regarded Levi for a few seconds with an expression he couldn’t quite place, and then took off. 

Getting rid of the Titans was quick work. There were no more abnormals in the group, and using the trees as cover, Levi and the others were able to eliminate them with relatively no trouble. At one point, one was able to catch Grace, but Levi had swooped in quickly to kill it. The Corps were able to leave the forest relatively unscathed.

After they finished mapping out the hilly area they had set out to explore, Shadis finally gave the order to return back to base. Levi couldn’t contain the relieved sigh that escaped his lips when he heard this. One more mission and he was still alive. Yet, his relief disappeared as soon as they started galloping back to the walls. His heart slammed against his chest painfully as one of the carts holding the dead bodies drove past his side. 

Sure, Levi had been able to save his squad when he killed the abnormals, and also the soldiers in the woods when he killed the others. But still, two entire squads in the right flank had been wiped out trying to stop the Titans from breaching the formation. People still died. Levi had never felt so helpless. 

☼☼☼

Erwin found him in the bathroom, two hours after they’d reached base. Everyone was having dinner and celebrating the successful mission, but Levi couldn’t bring himself to eat. Instead, he’d opted to hide in the bathroom, furiously scrubbing his skin raw, trying to remove the imaginary titan blood from his skin. 

Erwin stood in the doorway for a few seconds, frowning slightly at the brunet, before stepping inside and shutting the door. Levi ignored him, too focused on the soap and water running down his arms. 

“Levi,” he tried. No answer. “Levi.”

Levi continued scrubbing. He felt disgusting and useless, and the guilt was so overwhelming that he thought he would break down right there and then, and-

“Levi!” A hand on his shoulder brought him back to reality. He dropped the soap, watched it clatter to the center of the sink. He didn't turn around, even though he felt Erwin’s presence behind him. He couldn’t face the Squad Leader when he was like this, so out of control that it was painful to watch. 

“Levi, look at me.”

Reluctantly, he turned around, and Erwin took a step back, putting some distance between their bodies. Levi couldn’t make out the expression in those piercing blue eyes that regarded him thoughtfully. He thought that on another person, it might look like pity, and felt a surge of anger pass through his body. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” he snapped. He didn’t want anyone’s pity. He wasn’t weak. 

“You did well today, Levi. Thank you.”

Levi’s anger simmered out instantly. Out of all the things he thought Erwin Smith might say to him, thank you was the one option he hadn’t considered. 

“Thank you? Thank you? What in the world are you thanking me for?”

“You saved us today. Without you killing those two abnormals, many soldiers in Mike’s squad may have died. And you took down many Titans in the woods. The mission was a success. You did well.” 

“Success?” Levi frowned, “Two entire squads were wiped out. Do you call that a success?”

Erwin blinked, surprised at Levi’s outburst. 

“Levi, death is something that you will have to come to terms with on this job. Those soldiers gave their lives for the dream they believed in, a world without Titans. Their sacrifice allowed us to map out more land than we have been able to in a long time. The death rate for this mission is one of the lowest ever recorded for expeditions outside the walls. It was a huge success.”

“I could have helped them. If I was in the right flank th-”

“Then you might have died,” Erwin finished for him, “And you wouldn’t have saved Mike’s squad. And next time they could attack from the left. Or in the center.”

Levi turned around. He didn’t want to hear Erwin’s words anymore, most of all because the blond was actually making sense. 

“You can never predict what the Titans will do. The most we can do is train hard and find ways for most of us to survive. But there isn’t a mission where we will be safe. It’s part of the sacrifice we have to make to eradicate those beasts once and for all. To reach our dream.”

Levi nodded, still looking away. His anger had faded and had been replaced with weariness. He just wanted to rest. 

“Levi, they’re not Isabel and Furlan. You don’t have to save everyone.”

“What?” Levi glanced up sharply. Images of Isabel’s eyes, dull and dead, flashed into his head, “This has nothing to do with them!”

“You’re not responsible for everyone. Just try to save the ones on your squad, and that will be enough to honor them. You’ll atone for your sins.”

After a long silence, Levi finally nodded. Erwin was right. He’d been right from the start. He would make do with what he had. 

“Okay,” the brunet sighed, “Okay, I will.”

Levi’s voice sounded strange even to his own ears. He sounded defeated. In the span of three days, he’d already broken down in front of Erwin twice. He couldn’t let it happen again. He schooled his face into an indifferent frown before he turned to face the blond. 

“Is that all?”

Erwin blinked, took a deep breath, and finally nodded. “Get some rest.”

Just before he stepped out the door, Erwin turned back for a moment. His eyes had gained a shine to them that Levi had not seen since that day in the Underground when the blond was standing over his kneeling form. 

“You’re everything I hoped you’d be when I recruited you.”

Erwin shut the bathroom door and Levi was finally alone with his thoughts. He took several deep breaths and willed his heart to slow down. 

_Very well, Erwin. I’ll be your weapon. I’ll be more than what you hoped for. I may not understand why we’re doing this, or why all these lives are being sacrificed for something that seems so pointless. But I don’t have to understand. Not when I have you._

_I’ll follow you, Erwin Smith. You’re gazing up at something I can’t even see. I’ll follow you until we reach this dream of yours, or until we die._


	2. Chapter II

Everything became easier after that. Levi didn’t have to think things through or try to find answers to explain why the world was like this or to figure out why they were doing what they were doing. Erwin did all that for him. The blond had a dream that none of them were even able to comprehend. He was looking to the future. And that day in the bathroom, Levi had decided he would place his trust in that man. 

Levi threw his heart into every mission. He became the guardian angel of his squad, killing Titans like no one in the Survey Corps had ever been able to. _Just try to save the people on your squad,_ Levi repeated each time he killed a Titan, each time he fought against his urges and kept to the formation even though he _knew_ he might have been able to save those soldiers, _that will be enough to honor them._ Erwin’s words rang like a mantra in his head. _You’ll atone for your sins._

And at the end of each mission, his eyes darted reflexively to the blond at the front of the formation. When he was feeding his horse or taking off his equipment, he searched for the Squad Leader, waiting for the moment when Erwin would approach him, lay a hand on his shoulder, and whisper, _you did well._ Those three words were all Levi needed to be reminded of his promise to follow Erwin wherever he led, and to remind himself that even though he couldn’t save everyone, he was doing well. He was saving as many people as he could. 

☼☼☼

Levi had been in the Corps for seven months when Erwin approached him, a smile ghosting on his lips. Levi was in a foul mood. The weather had been progressively getting colder, and today his hands and feet had almost frozen off in the time he took to step out of the bath and into his clothes. 

“Levi. I was looking for you.”

“What do you want?” Levi growled. His voice had come out much angrier than he’d intended, but he just couldn't help it. In the Underground, he had spent many cold nights huddling close to his mom for warmth, trying to cover themselves with their ragged blanket. One of the things he liked most about being above ground is that he didn’t have to experience that cold again, didn’t have to remember. Now, the weather was even worse than those cold nights. He absolutely hated it. 

Erwin frowned, “Is this a bad time?” 

Levi sighed. Erwin was too patient with him. “I hate the cold. I’m not mad at you specifically.”

Erwin laughed. Actually laughed. At _him._ Levi glared at the blond, annoyance bubbling in his system. 

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Erwin raised an eyebrow, “I never thought you could get so worked up from the cold. And here I was coming to ask if you wanted to come with me on a trip to town.”

“Are you shitting me? Step out in this cold? No way.”

“We would wear gloves and jackets of course. And walking takes away the cold. I actually find the low temperatures clear my mind.”

“Of course you would think that.”

“So will you come?”

Levi wanted to tell Erwin to fuck off and leave him alone to suffer. The blond was still looking at him, a question in his eyes. Would he keep bothering Levi until he agreed to come? Levi opened his mouth to tell him to go away, but what came out instead was:

“Fine. But you’ll have to lend me a jacket.”

And that’s how Levi found himself trudging to town in a jacket that reached his knees, with a way-too-cheerful blond walking next to him. Levi had expected Erwin’s jacket to be big on him, but not _that_ big. He looked like he had been swallowed by the black wool. When Erwin saw him, he’d raised a hand to cover his lips and averted his gaze. 

“You think this is pretty fucking funny, don’t you?” Levi growled. 

“Not at all, not at all.” Erwin turned his gaze back to Levi. His face was composed again, but his eyes seemed a shade brighter. 

“One laugh out of you and I stay here.” 

Erwin had nodded solemnly and the brightness was gone. Levi felt a tiny glimmer of regret. He liked when Erwin looked happy. 

They were walking down the road to the nearest town chatting amicably, Levi’s shoulder brushing Erwin’s arm every once in a while. In a period of silence, Levi wondered just how he’d gotten to this point. Usually spending so much time with one single person would make him uncomfortable, but he found Erwin’s presence to be calming. Seven months ago, he’d wanted nothing more than to kill the blond, and now he trusted him completely. 

After that day in the bathroom, it seemed as if an invisible barrier had crumbled between the two men. A few days after the incident, the blond had approached him to ask for guidance about an upcoming expedition, and they’d talked about it over a cup of tea. After that, Erwin started seeking him out more and more for advice. He seemed to trust Levi with his secrets, and got more comfortable over time, even progressing as far as expressing his frustrations with Commander Shadis and the Brass. 

Levi didn’t understand why Erwin trusted him, especially after he’d tried to kill him. But he knew Erwin didn’t need to worry. Levi would carry his secrets to the grave. 

Their time together had strengthened a bond Levi hadn’t noticed was there until Hange had pointed it out. 

“I can’t believe you and Erwin are friends now after the… ahem… weird circumstances under which you met,” Hange had giggled one day after they’d finished training together.

“What? We’re not friends.” Levi had glared at the brunette. What the hell were they talking about? Erwin wasn’t his friend. 

“Pfff. Of course he’s your friend!” Hange had processed Levi’s incredulous look and laughed, “Please. You literally only talk to each other. The guy trusts you more than he trusts Shadis. You, Levi I-don’t-know-your-last-name, have a friend.”

Levi frowned. Did he have a friend?

“There’s nothing wrong with having a friend,” Hange continued, oblivious to the brunet’s inner turmoil, “Sometimes you just bond with a person and BAM you’re friends. I consider you my friend too!”

“Shut up,” he grumbled, but without malice. He left the grinning Hange behind and locked himself in his room. Hange was right, he _had_ been spending a lot of time with Erwin. And they trusted each other; Levi would follow the blond wherever he led. And Levi would be willing to hurt anyone who harmed Erwin. He didn’t know if he could call it friendship… but it certainly went beyond a normal soldier-superior officer bond. 

Levi felt his cheeks burning when he remembered that conversation and hoped Erwin would assume his face was red because of the cold. 

They reached the town and wandered aimlessly through the streets. After a while, Levi started getting confused. He’d thought Erwin needed to complete an errand. 

“Erwin, where are we going? Where is your errand?” 

“What errand?” 

Levi blinked. Erwin looked at him with raised eyebrows, eyes flashing with amusement. 

“What do you mean ‘what errand’? Why are we in town if you don’t have something to do?” 

“It’s our day off and you look bored at headquarters. I thought it would be nice to have a change of scenery.”

Levi gaped at Erwin, who merely continued walking. Erwin had dragged him out of headquarters just to hang out? Because he looked _bored_ ? After getting over his initial shock, Levi couldn’t help but feel a bit pleased that the Squad Leader chose to spend his day off with him. 

“Are we just going to walk around?” Levi grumbled after a few minutes, “My feet will fall off from the cold.”

Erwin considered the question for a moment, “I know a place where we can warm up.”

Without warning, Erwin’s fingers were ghosting over the small of Levi’s back. The brunet felt his heart drop to his stomach _._ What the fuck?

Before Levi could shrug him off, Erwin was guiding him into a side alley, hand resting firmly against his back. Levi felt confused and flustered and nervous all at once. Desperate to calm the erratic beating of his heart, he took a few quick steps forward, so Erwin’s hand fell to his side. 

“Are you okay?” Erwin asked, confusion clouding his tone as he caught up with him. Levi glared at him, trying to mask his embarrassment, which made Erwin look at him in bewilderment. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Levi’s glare deepened. “I don’t like when people touch me.”

“Oh,” Erwin looked away, and Levi thought he _must_ have imagined the slight pink tint that spread across the blond’s face, “I’m sorry, I meant no harm. I just wanted to lead the way. We’re almost there.”

Levi nodded, and they fell silent. His mind was still working furiously, trying to decipher why he was still feeling so flustered. He’d always hated people touching him, so _of course_ it was reasonable he would feel embarrassed. It was all Erwin’s fault for acting weird. 

They finally reached Erwin’s destination: a small pastry shop tucked in the corner between two streets. Erwin ordered coffee and a few buttered pastries, while Levi only had tea and one of the big loaves of bread. Levi still felt a little awkward, but his discomfort faded once Erwin launched into conversation, going over the changes he’d made to his scouting formation. 

They were just stepping out of the shop an hour later when Levi stopped dead in his tracks. Erwin turned back, confused.

“Everything all right? Levi?”

Levi barely heard him, eyes transfixed on the sight before him. White dust was falling from the sky. He glanced sharply at Erwin, who was looking at him with furrowed brows. The blond didn’t look scared, so these _things_ mustn't be dangerous. Levi extended a hand out, trying to catch the dust. A few flakes fell on his open palm, and he gasped softly. They were freezing cold. 

He turned back to Erwin, a question in his eyes, and frowned. The blond was looking at him with an expression Levi had never seen before, and he struggled to put a name to it. On any other man, he may have called it wonder. 

“What’s this?” Levi asked sharply. The flakes were collecting on Erwin’s hair and face. A few fell on his eyebrows, and Levi had the sudden urge to wipe them off. 

“It’s snow… you’ve never seen it before?”

Levi huffed in annoyance. “I’ve lived my whole life underground, how could I know what it is? Seriously, what is it?”

Erwin’s cheeks flushed pink for a second, “Ah, yes… of course. Normally, the water droplets in the sky fall as rain. When the weather is very cold, they freeze and become snow.”

“Oh…” 

They stayed there, feet glued to the spot, for what seemed like an eternity, catching snowflakes with their palms. The day was getting dark, they would need to go back soon. Levi turned back to Erwin and found he was still staring at him the same way, cheeks pink and eyes shining. Levi felt his own cheeks start to burn for some unknown reason. 

“Stop staring at me.”

“Sorry,” Erwin smiled slightly and turned his gaze away. He glanced up at the sun, which was quickly hiding behind the hills on the west. “We should go back.”

The walk back to headquarters was silent. The whole way, Levi was wondering what exactly made him feel so nervous when he was around Erwin. 

Everything felt easy with Erwin, Levi finally realized when he was laying on his bed that night. With everyone else in the Corps, Levi had trouble maintaining friendships. It’s not that they didn’t like him; after these months in the Corps, everyone had gotten past the brunet’s snarky personality and had grown to respect and like him. And it’s not like he didn’t care about the rest of the world; Levi would gladly give his life for every single soldier in the Corps. But each time he tried to progress past superficial friendship, he heard Kenny’s words ringing in his head: _people that are close to you die. You should be alone, with the life you live. By staying away, you can’t hurt them._

Levi _had_ managed to create some relationships. He’d grown to care a lot for Hange and Mike, and after a lot of time and persistence on their part, Levi found he enjoyed their company and trust. But with Erwin, he didn’t even have to try. He hadn't had to spend much time with him for the blond to have gained Levi’s complete trust. Erwin didn’t have to push insistently at the brunet for him to open up like Mike and Hange had to do. When he was with Erwin, he’d remembered Kenny’s words, of course, but instead of them being the crushing deal-breaker that they normally were, they had been a mere buzzing in his ear. It was just easy, with Erwin. He’d never had a bond as he did with him. 

_You just don’t know what having a friend feels like,_ he thought to himself, _that’s why you feel flustered when you’re around him_. Yet, for some strange reason, he found that calling Erwin his friend didn’t feel right. 

☼☼☼

Suddenly a year had passed quicker than Levi had imagined it could. He woke up _that_ morning with a start, his dream quickly fading from memory. He didn’t need to remember it to know what it was about. He groaned softly under his breath, heart clenching painfully as he willed the unwelcome images from his mind. 

He rushed through the morning, throwing himself into training with more fervor than usual to try and keep his mind distracted. 

“What the hell Levi?” Hange cried from the ground. The brunet had knocked them to the ground with a single punch, winning their mock fight in a few seconds, “You’re especially violent today. What’s up?” 

Levi merely grunted in response and left to find Mike. Fighting with Hange had been a waste of his time, he needed a strong opponent today. 

The brunet had managed to stay distracted for the whole day until he’d crossed paths with Erwin on the way to take a shower after lunch. 

“Levi!” the blond smiled slightly, “I was just going to find you. I have to go to town to send some documents to Zackly. Would you care to accompany me?” 

“Not today Erwin,” he snapped, voice sharper than he’d intended.

If Levi hadn’t been looking directly at the blond, he would have missed the brief flash of disappointment that crossed his eyes before they returned to their usual guarded expression. 

“Oh, well, that’s unfo-” Erwin stopped in his tracks, and Levi could almost hear the pieces clicking into place inside his mind. “Oh... I’m sorry Levi. I didn’t realize what day it was today.”

“Don’t.” Levi couldn’t bear the pity pooling in those blue eyes. 

“Have you visited them?” 

“No. What’s the point? They’re not there anymore. I mean they are but… not really. I’m okay.”

“Levi…” After quickly scanning his surroundings, Erwin stretched out a hand towards him. Levi flinched away from the touch, and Erwin frowned, lowering his hand.

“Levi, there’s nothing wrong with grieving. Visiting them might give you some closure.”

Levi shook his head, not daring to speak. This was all wrong. He was supposed to be distracted, and now Erwin had reminded him of everything he had been trying to forget. 

“I can go with you if you want. If you don’t want to go alone.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Levi snapped, after a moment’s hesitation. Would it be easier, if Erwin was there? _Of course it would._

“Really, it’s no trouble for me,” Erwin insisted, “and we can deliver my letters on the way back.” 

Erwin was going to be there. He wasn’t going to be alone. “Fine, let’s go.”

Two hours later, they were standing in front of Isabel and Furlan’s graves. Levi’s breath was shaky, but he was careful not to let his emotions get the best of him. What would Erwin say, if he saw him break down?

“Levi, breathe.” 

The brunet tore his gaze from the tombstones to stare, wide-eyed, at Erwin. The blond was staring right back at him, eyebrows slightly furrowed. 

“Breathe.”

Levi exhaled and cursed himself for the shaky breath that he let through. Erwin’s expression didn’t change. He didn’t get angry like Kenny did whenever Levi had let his mask down, or didn’t get overly concerned and fussy as his mom had done. He didn’t look disappointed that his soldier, his weapon, was _weak_. He simply kept staring at Levi with that same neutral expression he always wore, and at that moment, Levi was eternally grateful. 

“All right?” Erwin cocked his head to the side, “Do you want me to stay with you?”

Levi shook his head. Erwin nodded and walked off. Levi stared at him until he saw him kneel in front of a grave a few meters away. A fallen comrade. Satisfied that Erwin wasn’t looking, Levi let his mask crumble as he turned his gaze on the graves. 

_A year later, and I’m still here. And you’re not. I’d always thought I’d be the first to go, out of the three of us. You know I’d promised to look after the two of you? Isabel, the day you stumbled into our house, holding that horrid little bird, I promised I’d protect you. And look at me now. I failed._

_I got what we wanted. I pulled through, just like you said I would. I haven’t been back Underground. It would all be better if you were here with me._

_Erwin says I need to make peace with your deaths. And I guess I have. Kind of. I wouldn't be killing Titans and helping the world if it hadn't happened. I don’t feel that overwhelming guilt anymore. I promised myself I wouldn’t regret my choice. But today, on the anniversary of your death, I wish I could go back and save you._

He kept staring at the graves for a while. He had no more words to say. A warm hand fell on his shoulder, and Levi jumped slightly. Erwin hesitated briefly, and then squeezed his fingers comfortingly. 

“Are you ready?” 

Levi composed his face. He couldn’t show what he was feeling. 

“Yeah. Let’s go back.”

The pair walked back to headquarters in comfortable silence, passing through the town to send the letters. 

_I feel… okay_ , Levi realized as the base came into view. He felt somehow lighter, and more at peace than he had felt in a long time. Once again, Erwin had a solution for a problem. Was there ever something that the man didn't know? 

Levi turned his head slightly to look at the blond and instantly turned back to look at the road when he saw Erwin was staring at him. What the hell? Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Erwin tear his gaze away and look ahead. 

Erwin stopped Levi by gently pulling his arm right before they reached headquarters. They were at a corner of the road, no one was seeing them here. Levi raised an eyebrow questioningly, and Erwin smiled softly, the merest upturn of the corners of his lips. 

“I hope you feel better Levi. And I’m really sorry. I know Isabel and Furlan would be proud of you. If you need to talk about anything or need help, don’t hesitate to find me.”

“Yeah, yeah… thanks,” Levi mumbled, “Sappy old man.”

Erwin raised an eyebrow and bid him good night. As Levi watched the blond’s retreating form, his heart clenched painfully. 

☼☼☼

Levi woke up with a yell, heart hammering wildly in his chest. His bed was soaked through with sweat, and his whole body was trembling. He raised his head and was mortified to find everyone in the barracks staring at him. 

“Um… are you alright?” one of the soldiers whispered, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, “You were screaming.”

Levi quickly got up, put on a shirt quickly, and started walking to the door. “I’ll go outside.”

He slammed the door shut before anyone could answer. He started walking down the corridor and quickly ground to a halt. His bare feet were burning against the cold stone floor when he realized he had nowhere to go. 

After a few minutes of standing in the middle of the corridor, he started walking, letting his feet lead him to wherever they wanted to go. A few hazy minutes later, he found himself in front of Erwin’s door. 

Suddenly, Levi was not so sure that knocking on the Squad Leader’s door was a good idea. Sure, Erwin had told him if he ever needed something Levi could come to him, but talking to him about his problems in broad daylight was different than waking him up in the middle of the night because of a stupid nightmare. Levi felt like an idiot. Why had he even considered waking up the blond? Erwin would think he was crazy. 

Instead, Levi sank to the floor, back against the door. He wouldn’t wake Erwin up, but he had nowhere else to go. He briefly considered going to Hange, but then he remembered they smelled horrible most days; their room was bound to make him want to die. He closed his eyes and prayed the morning came quickly. 

He dozed fitfully for about an hour, alternating between hazy dreams of blood and red eyes to dark dreams where he was blinded by the rain, screams sounds in the distance. He was dreaming about Isabel's eyes when he suddenly felt like he was falling, and falling…

“Fuck…” he groaned. His head was throbbing where it lay against the cold stone. He’d been sitting, what the hell was his head doing on the floor? 

“Levi?”

The brunet’s eyes flew open. Erwin was standing over him, sleepy eyes hazy with confusion. They stared at each other for a few seconds, none of them daring to say anything. Levi looked away and his cheeks started burning with the embarrassment of being caught sleeping outside Erwin’s door like a love-struck little girl. 

“I-I was just… I had-” Levi was mumbling incoherently. He couldn’t think over his embarrassment. 

“Are you okay?” Erwin crouched and for some unexplainable reason, Levi’s breath caught in his throat. “I opened the door to go get some water and you fell through. I hope you didn’t hit your head too hard.”

“I’m okay,” Levi grumbled, propping himself up on his arms. When Erwin just kept looking at him, Levi frowned, “Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m here?” 

Erwin huffed out a laugh, “Why are you here?”

“I had a nightmare and…” Levi trailed off. Now he realized how stupid he sounded. Running to a superior officer just because he had a nightmare? He felt pathetic. 

Erwin didn’t call him pathetic, or send him off, or looked at him like he was crazy. Instead, he stood up and extended a hand for Levi to take. He helped the brunet to his feet and motioned for him to sit in one of the soft chairs that surrounded his desk. 

“I’ll go get my water, and then we can talk.”

Levi nodded mutely and stared at the door until Erwin came back a few minutes later with a glass and a mug in his hands. After shutting the door behind him, he offered the mug to Levi, who sniffed it suspiciously. Black tea, no sugar, no milk. His favorite. He felt his cheeks burning and fought to control his pulse. He didn’t understand what was going on with his stupid heart that beat too fast, or with his cheeks that seemed to light up every time the blond was near, and most of all, he didn’t understand why Erwin was being so damn nice. The Squad Leader sat down on the chair next to him and sipped his water silently. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I… not really. It was stupid.” 

Yet when Erwin didn’t answer, Levi felt the need to fill the silence, “It was the same nightmare as always. Isabel and Furlan dying. And I guess today it was worse because it was their death anniversary and I was yelling and I woke everyone up. So I left so I wouldn’t bother them, and I had nowhere to go, and… yeah.”

Levi was aware he was rambling but he didn’t really care at the moment. Not with Erwin looking at him so fondly and with so much concern that he felt his heart was doing somersaults in his chest. Just when had he started liking it when Erwin looked at him? And when had the blond started letting his guard down? Levi had never seen him being so open, the emotions so clear on his face. 

“You should have woken me up,” Erwin finally spoke, “And it’s completely normal to have nightmares, Levi. Especially since it's the anniversary of their death.”

“I’m not going to wake you up every time I have a damn nightmare,” Levi huffed, “and you said death was part of being in the Corps.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you did. And I said it was part of life here, but I never said you would stop grieving. You have to learn to live with the grief, but you’ll probably never get over it. Only a heartless man would be able to completely overcome the death of his two best friends.”

Levi glanced sharply at the blond. Erwin understood. He always did. 

Erwin noded, stood up, and crossed the room to his bed, while Levi stared at him mutely. 

“You can stay here until you feel better. Excuse my rude behavior, but I have a meeting tomorrow in the capital, and I need to be well-rested. Shadis will not appreciate a sleepy companion.”

“I’m the one who came barging into your room. You’re not the rude one.”

Erwin’s eyes seemed to shine for a few brief moments, and then he closed them. Soon enough, his soft snores filled the room. Levi had been planning to finish the tea and leave, but his eyes started fluttering closed and he was lulled into a deep sleep with Erwin’s breathing lullaby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the snow scene inspired by that official fanart that I’m sure you’ve all seen. No one can convince me Levi x Erwin isn’t canon.


	3. Chapter III

When Levi came back to reality, the first thing he noticed was that his neck hurt like a bitch. The second thing he noticed was that he was warm. The last thing he noticed was that he seemed to be in a chair, not a bed. 

The events of the night before rushed back into his head and his eyes flew open. He was curled up like a cat in one of Erwin’s chairs. When his eyes darted down to his body, he really started to panic. He had been using one of Erwin’s jackets as a blanket. 

_Fuck fuck fuck. I fell asleep. Shit._ He’d overstepped the bounds and now Erwin was going to push him away. He didn’t understand how he hadn’t been thrown out yet. Fearing the worst, Levi swiveled around in the chair and frowned. The bed in the corner of the room was made and Erwin wasn’t there. He remembered Erwin had told him of the meeting in the capital, and he cursed himself inwardly. Had Erwin already left? Now he would have to wait to apologize. 

The door to the room opened and Levi realized that it would have been better if Erwin had already left, apologies be damned. At least then he could have had some time to plan what he was going to say. Now, all he could do is stare mutely at the blond who stood in the doorway, feeling his cheeks warm up. Erwin seemed to look equally surprised and embarrassed for a fraction of a second before he composed himself and shut the door behind him. He ignored Levi like nothing was going on and started gathering his toiletries into the small bag he always carried on trips to the Capital. Erwin finished packing and Levi hadn’t been able to say a single word. 

“I-um… hi,” Levi finally burst out. When Erwin turned to look at him, the ghost of a smile on his lips, Levi’s heart started hammering faster, if that was even possible. 

“Good morning Levi, I’d hoped to catch you before I left.”

“I overstepped the bounds,” Levi muttered, eyes trained on Erwin’s face, “It was inappropriate and it won’t happen again. I think I took your jacket at one point.”

“You looked cold when I woke up, so I covered you. I hope you don’t mind, I didn’t have an extra blanket,” Erwin raised an amused eyebrow at the confused expression on Levi’s face, “And I already told you, Levi, you’re more than welcome to reach out to me whenever you need it. Even if it’s in the middle of the night.”

Levi huffed, masking his relief. Everything was okay. “I’ll be popping in more often, then, if you like my company so much.”

Levi had meant it as a joke, to try and diffuse the last traces of awkwardness that surrounded the situation. He’d expected a laugh or one of Erwin’s subtle eye-rolls. Instead, Erwin’s lips quirked upwards in a small smile. 

“Of course. I always enjoy your company. I have to go now, Shadis is waiting for me, but we’ll talk more when I come back.”

Erwin left and Levi could do nothing but stare at the closed door. His heart was doing somersaults around his chest, and his mind was going into overdrive. He didn’t understand why talking to Erwin or catching him seeing him was now enough to make his pulse race. He had to figure things out before Erwin came back and he did something embarrassing that would make Erwin want to leave and never talk to him again. This wasn’t like him. He always knew how to keep his feelings under control, careful never to show them to the outside world. There was something about Erwin that made this facade fade, and some days Levi felt that the blond could read him like an open book. Levi decided to get his shit back together before things spiraled out of control. 

☼☼☼

Levi succeeded in keeping his heart under check for three months. Three months in which he’d tried to avoid getting too close to Erwin, avoided looking him in the eye for too long, and generally was able to prevent situations where the two of them would be alone together. It helped that they had one of the largest expeditions to date at the two-month mark, so both Erwin and Levi had little to no free time on their hands. Yet, Erwin, ever observant, noticed something was amiss. 

“Are you okay Levi? Have I done something to offend you?”

“What are you talking about?” Levi raised one eyebrow at the blond, ignoring the way his heart clenched painfully. _Keep it together._

“You’ve been distant ever since Isabel and Furlan’s death anniversary. Is something wrong?”

“I think you’ve gone delusional with your age, old man,” Levi deadpanned and excused himself quickly after. He used training as an excuse. He was training a lot more these days. 

Levi knew he was wrong for pushing Erwin away like he was. He’d stubbornly refused to try to understand why he was feeling the way he was feeling, why he got excited every time he saw the blond, or why his heart raced when the Squad Leader stepped close to him. If he’d taken some time to analyze his feelings, he might have been surprised with a reality he didn’t want to face. He was afraid that Erwin was slowly becoming more important than what a trusted comrade should be. Instead, he’d just decided that he should squash the feelings whenever they rose up. He was fighting in a war. It was selfish of him to spend time analyzing his feelings. 

The thing that surprised Levi the most was how lonely he felt. He’d gotten used to spending time around Erwin, to have someone he could constantly talk to. He’d tried to replace Erwin by spending more time with Hange, and while the brunette was good company, they weren’t Erwin. Something was still missing. 

☼☼☼

The three-month friendship hiatus ended a sunny afternoon. Levi had taken to spending his half-hour afternoon break between the end of training and dinner sitting outside on a stone fence that had been part of a broken-down building. Hange spent their breaks working on their Titan-capturing mechanism, and Levi didn’t want to spend time in their smelly lab. Mike and Nanaba, one of the new recruits who he’d befriended, now spent their time mostly together, and Levi didn’t fancy being the third-wheel. 

A month ago, Levi had discovered the cluster of stones and found he enjoyed the breeze and the silence, and the way the setting sun turned everything a soft shade of gold. 

Levi was laying across the rocks, eyes closed, taking in the warm summer sun, when a shadow blocked the light. Without opening his eyes, Levi contorted his face into the scariest glower he could. 

“Fuck off, whoever you are. This is my free time.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

Levi’s eyes flew open and he sat up quickly, head swimming slightly as the blood rushed back to his feet. Standing in front of him, very close, was an embarrassed-looking Erwin. The setting sun made his hair look like gold, casting a soft halo around his figure. Levi, in a brief moment where he lost control of all rational thought, thought he looked beautiful. 

Erwin cleared his throat awkwardly. “I just wanted to see what you were doing, I meant no harm. I’ll leave you in your free time.” 

Levi frowned, “I didn’t know it was you. I thought it was one of the newbies coming to bother me. What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be inside with your paperwork?”

“I was, but I needed to clear my head. What are you doing here?”

“I come here every day before dinner.” 

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Erwin shifted on his feet. He opened his mouth and Levi, for some inexplicable reason fearful of what he would say, interrupted before he could say anything:

“Sit.”

Erwin blinked. “What?”

“Are you deaf?” Levi set his mouth in a thin line, “I said, sit. There’s plenty of space.”

Erwin sat down on the stones next to him, careful to keep his body a good distance away from Levi’s own. Erwin finally broke the fragile silence that had befallen them. 

“Shadis is planning a big expedition two months from today. Just before winter sets in. I’m working on a new formation. I think it can reduce casualties by a lot.”

“Do you have it ready?” 

“Not yet, I’m still figuring things out. I’ll show you when I’m done. You could actually help me with some points.”

Levi nodded. They hadn’t looked at each other this whole time. The air appeared to be charged around them, and Levi felt like he was walking on eggshells. When had they become like this? When had their easy comradeship faded away? He felt his stomach drop when he realized it was his fault. He’d pushed Erwin away because he couldn’t control his feelings. 

_By staying away, you can’t hurt them._ For once, Kenny had been wrong. Staying away was hurting more. 

Levi turned to look at Erwin right when the blond turned to look at him. They locked eyes and Levi felt stupid. He wanted their friendship back. He’d been controlling his feelings for an entire lifetime. He could handle talking to Erwin. 

“Are we… Is everything okay Levi?”

“I… yeah. We’re okay now.” 

It was the closest to an apology that Levi could get, and he willed Erwin to understand. 

He didn’t have to worry. Erwin always did. The blond exhaled and the charge in the air faded. Erwin smiled slightly and Levi promised himself he wouldn’t push him away. Ever. 

“Come on, it’s time for dinner.” 

Erwin got to his feet and extended a hand for Levi to take. The brunet considered it for a moment but realized that that would be too much, all at once. Instead, he swatted Erwin’s arm away and glared at him. 

“Do you think I’m a little princess or something? I can get to my feet on my own.”

Erwin laughed, and Levi’s heart seemed to stop. Here, hidden from the rest of the world, the Squad Leader’s inhibitions had seemed to drop a little. Levi had never heard him laugh so freely before, and wished, for a brief second, that they could stay like this forever. They were okay. 

☼☼☼

Levi was laying down on the stones again, eyes closed. He felt… nervous. He was waiting for something that he wasn’t sure would actually happen, but he hoped it would. He’d told Erwin he came here every day. And Levi had told him they were fine now. Would Erwin be so quick to forgive him, after those three months of silence? Did he miss their trust and conversations as much as Levi did?

Levi heard footsteps, and in his excitement, couldn't wait for Erwin to reach him before he was sitting up, heart stuttering in his chest. 

“Are you following me around?” he called, scowling angrily. Erwin’s lips curled slightly upwards. 

“I’m afraid I am. I have too much paperwork and wanted to receive some sun. Do you mind?”

Levi shrugged. In his language, it equaled an invitation. 

Erwin continued showing up. Each time Levi heard his soft footsteps approaching the stones, he felt lightheaded. He’d accepted by now that whenever he was around Erwin, his body would betray him. Each time the blond dropped his careful mask around him, here where no one else could see them, Levi’s heart would hammer painfully against his chest. The soft crinkle at the corners of those blue eyes, the slight tilt of Erwin’s lips whenever Levi said something he found amusing, the way his fingers would sometimes accidentally brush against Levi’s… it was addictive. _It’s for me,_ Levi would tell himself, flattering himself shamelessly when he lay awake in his bunk at night, _he only lets his guard down for me._

Since that warm summer afternoon when they had become friends again, the brunet had spent his nights wondering why he reacted so strongly to Erwin. He hadn’t come fully to terms with it, but he knew there was no escaping his feelings. His feelings _for_ Erwin. Feelings that he shouldn’t be having for his superior officer, his comrade. 

After two weeks of meeting at the stones, Levi stood up suddenly and dusted his pants. Erwin looked at him questioningly.

“I’m getting tea. Do you want coffee?”

“Yes, please. Can you add s-”

“I know how you take it.” 

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He turned around before he could see how Erwin reacted, and he cursed himself inwardly all the way to the kitchen. 

_It’s fine. Friends know how their friends take their coffee. It’s fine._

Levi held out the coffee mug to Erwin, feeling awkward. But Erwin merely thanked him and continued with the conversation. Levi relaxed. Maybe his growing not-so-platonic feelings for Erwin weren’t as obvious as he thought. 

☼☼☼

A month had passed. Levi finished training, drying his sweat off with a towel. He glanced out the window and smiled inwardly. The sun was beautiful today. 

As he walked down the stairs, he stopped to consider an idea that had just popped into his brain. He’d been bringing Erwin coffee these past two weeks. If he got the drinks now, he wouldn’t lose time. Those few minutes they spent together every day were too precious to waste. 

Levi sat on the stones, scanning the area for a glimpse of the blond. Ten minutes had passed, and Erwin hadn’t shown up. He glanced at the coffee. It was getting cold. 

Erwin didn’t show up, not even when the sun sank below the horizon. 

_You’re such an idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot._

It felt like an eternity ago when Levi had been confused and wanting to push Erwin away. How had he let the situation escalate so much? Levi felt terrible. He’d been so caught up with Erwin, and the excitement, and the affection that he’d accepted he felt towards the man, that he hadn’t realized how stupid he was being. They were soldiers, for God’s sake, trying to fight monsters. And here he was, getting excited over a few minutes he spent every day with a trusted comrade. Erwin saw Levi as someone he could trust, someone he could come for advice. How would he feel, knowing how Levi felt about him? How would he feel, knowing that Levi savored every small expression or emotion that he gave him? 

He’d gotten too carried away. He’d let his feelings get the best of him, and now he was paying the price. He felt like he was a kid, not knowing the consequences of his actions. Levi remembered Kenny’s words. People like him couldn’t love. 

Levi stayed outside, spread out on the stones. He didn’t want to go to dinner and have to face Erwin. He’d been dozing off when he heard footsteps approaching. 

“Levi?”

Levi sighed deeply and coaxed his face into an impassive mask. He didn't get up or open his eyes. Erwin could come to him. 

“Levi? What are you still doing here?”

Erwin’s voice sounded right on top of him. Levi refused to open his eyes and merely shrugged. 

“I’m sorry, Levi, I got caught up in a meeting. I had a discussion with Shadis. I was looking for you, but you weren’t at dinner, or in your room. The last place I looked was here.”

“Wasn’t hungry,” Levi shrugged again, “Your coffee got cold. It’s disgusting now.”

When he was only met with silence, Levi finally opened his eyes and sat up, swinging his legs over the stone. Erwin was standing next to him, staring at him with his expression twisting between surprise and so much fondness that Levi felt his heart clench. _It isn’t fair that you can look at me that way_. 

“Levi… I’m sorry I kept you waiting. Thank you for the coffee. I can bring my own next time, so this doesn’t happen again.”

Just like that, Levi’s annoyance faded. 

“I don’t mind, just show up next time. I like bringing you coffee.”

Levi blinked, surprised with his boldness, but Erwin didn’t seem to pick up on what Levi had really meant. The blond’s lips twisted slightly upwards and he sat down next to the brunet, much closer than he normally did. Levi exhaled. 

_I care for you, Erwin. How can you not tell?_

“Why were you fighting with Shadis?” 

“Oh,” Erwin’s eyes seemed to shine for a brief moment, “Now would be a good time to tell you. You’ve been promoted. For the next mission, you’ll have your own squad.”

“Are you fucking with me?”

Levi couldn’t believe it. He’d been asking for his own squad for ages now, but Shadis had always brushed him off. He knew he had the skills, and the soldiers trusted him more than they did most squad leaders. It was stupid they hadn’t given him a squad yet. But Shadis didn’t trust him.

“No, I’m not,” Erwin’s lips were still twisted into that faint smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes, “It’s about time you got your own squad. I don’t know why Shadis kept refusing, and I’d had enough. You deserve this promotion.”

“Shadis doesn’t trust me with a squad,” Levi deadpanned. It was obvious. 

“That’s not a problem anymore. I took care of it. I trust you, Squad Leader Levi. You deserve this.”

Levi wanted to thank him, but the words died in his throat. There weren't any words in the English language that would be able to describe the affection and gratefulness he was feeling right now. Thank you wasn’t enough. Therefore, instead of thanks, what came out of his mouth was:

“Tch. About time I got my own squad.”

The smile returned to the blond’s eyes and Levi had to look away because suddenly he felt too hot inside his own skin. At one point during the conversation, Erwin had slid closer to Levi and the brunet just couldn’t _handle_ making eye contact with him when there were mere inches between their arms and thighs. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Levi saw Erwin look away. They stayed silent for what seemed like an eternity, facing the woods in front of the headquarters. It would have been a peaceful moment if Levi didn’t feel like the left side of his body was burning up from the almost-contact with Erwin. 

Levi swayed gently in his seat. What would happen if he closed the distance? Would Erwin push him away? No one would see them. No one but them would know. 

Slowly, he started swaying to the left until his body was leaning against Erwin’s. The blond tensed up as soon as their bodies made contact, and Levi’s stomach dropped for a horrifying second in which he thought he’d made a mistake. But then Erwin relaxed and moved closer and now Levi was really panicking because they were _too_ close and what would happen if they turned their heads to face each other? But Erwin didn’t move and Levi didn’t dare to, too afraid of breaking this fragile thing that seemed to be growing between them. 

Eventually, Levi rested his head on Erwin’s shoulder. And eventually, Erwin rested his head on top of Levi’s own. And Levi hardly dared breathe, fearing that any small movement would make Erwin come to his senses and push him away. But nothing happened, and they stayed like that until the night got too cold to handle and they separated to return to their rooms. 

☼☼☼

After that day, Levi noticed they seemed to be sharing more touches. It wasn’t anything as extreme as what they had done the other day, which could be almost considered a hug. No, the touches they shared now were subtle, barely noticeable, but they still made Levi’s heart race. It was a brush of fingers when he was handing Erwin his coffee that hadn’t happened before, or how their bodies pressed closer than necessary when Erwin was leaning to see something over Levi’s shoulders, or the hand that lingered too long on his back after Erwin congratulated him after he saw how well his new squad was working together. They could barely be considered touches, but they still managed to set Levi’s skin on fire. 

Levi didn’t try to understand what was going on, fearful that if he started analyzing it, he would be disappointed with the truth. He just hoped it wouldn’t end. 

And now Levi stood in front of the gates, right before the first expedition outside the walls with his new squad, trying to quench his nervousness. _You don’t have anything to be nervous about. Everything is going to be fine._

He’d been training tirelessly with his new squad for a month, ever since he’d gotten his promotion. Erwin had given him good soldiers, strong, attentive, and very willing to learn. The squad consisted of six of the new recruits, Nanaba included. They were good. They were all going to be fine. 

_They are not Isabel and Furlan._

As Shadis got ready for his usual pre-expedition speech, Levi turned to his squad. They were all sitting attentively on their horses, wide eyes trained on their Squad Leader. This would be everyone’s first expedition outside the walls, excluding himself and Nanaba. Levi couldn’t fail them. 

“Remember how we trained, right? Follow my directions, and I’ll try to keep you safe. Got it?”

“Yes Squad Leader!” his Squad cried. 

The gates creaked open slowly, and with a final yell, the Survey Corps started another expedition outside the walls. 

The wind was chilly with the pre-winter cold and made Levi shiver as they galloped outside the walls. This expedition was the last before the Corps completed a map of the land outside the walls for a hundred-mile radius. After this mission, they would try building the first outpost outside the walls. 

Levi was riding next to Erwin, Shadis, and Mike’s squad in an arrow formation that Erwin had devised. Shadis was at the front, then came Mike’s squad and Erwin and Levi’s squads were guarding the rear. The rest of the squads surrounded the arrow in a spread-out formation. 

Right off the bat, trouble hit. When the four squads had passed through a grove of trees, they heard the footsteps. 

“Squad Leader!” Nanaba yelled, “five Titans behind us!” 

_Shit._

Sure enough, a cluster of Titans had burst out of the trees to their right and were heading directly towards the four Squads. At this rate, they were going to catch up. And if they caught up...

_Erwin. The new recruits._

In the very front of the arrowhead, Shadis released a red flare, moving the whole formation to the left. 

Levi cursed under his breath. There were five Titans on their heels already. Who knew how many more were hiding? 

“Naia!” He yelled, motioning for the blond girl to catch up with him. 

“Sir!” Naia was agile. Quick. She was ideal for the job. 

“Go tell Squad Leader Erwin we need to engage and to follow my lead.” 

“Sir!” 

The Titans were gaining ground. And then, as if things weren’t bad enough already, two Titans appeared on their left. They were getting cornered. Shadis shot another red flare, changing the direction of the arrow. They were heading for the closest cluster of trees, but they were still almost a kilometer away. 

Levi turned his head to the right and saw Naia galloping back. Erwin was at the front of his Squad, eyes trained on Levi. When the brunet caught his eye, Erwin shook his head. 

_Fucking hell, Erwin. This isn’t working._

The Titans were gaining more ground, and Levi’s squad would be the first attacked. He couldn’t let them get the recruits. They couldn’t be like Isabel and Furlan. He had to save them. 

“Listen up brats!” Levi turned around in his seat when Naia returned, “We’re going to engage.” 

His squad’s faces were grim, but the fire in their eyes showed their resolve. They all nodded. 

“Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. I’ll ride to the Titans, offer myself as bait, get them focused on chasing me. Nanaba, Gunther, and Naia, you ride to the right, Joseph, Karl, Elsa, you take the left. Give the Titans a wide radius, and when you’re behind and they’re focused on me, you take them out, understood?” 

“Yes Sir!” 

Without further instruction, his squad was off. _They know what to do. It’s up to me now._

Levi spurred his horse forward, right towards the Titans that were thundering towards him. He closed the distance between them rapidly. Five pairs of hungry eyes locked onto his form. 

_Good. Focus on me. I’ll save them._

Once he was a few meters away from the beasts, he turned his horse around and went back in the direction that he’d come from. Now all he had to do is survive long enough for his squad to take them down. He felt the ground tremble beneath his feet and he turned back just in time to see Nanaba taking off from the fallen Titan’s body. A few seconds later, Karl took down another one on the left. Three Titans left. 

The Titans were on Levi’s heels now, and he cursed, spurring his horse faster. At this rate, they would get him. A large hand suddenly descended from the sky and Levi barely had time to hook onto the ground a few meters ahead before his horse was squashed. He slammed into the ground, curled up into a ball. He rolled a few feet before coming to a stop. 

He didn’t give himself time to hurt. He immediately glanced up, searching for his Squad members. One, two… there was Nanaba, four, five… 

They were all still alive. 

_They’re not Isabel and Furlan._

On cue, Gunther and Naia brought down the third Titan. Two left.

Levi breathed deeply as he got to his feet. His squad had done enough. He could take care of the rest. In a flash of blades and twirls, the final two Titans dropped under Levi’s hands. When he touched down, Nanaba was waiting for him. He swung up onto her horse and they took off, eager to return to the formation. 

They returned to their position without casualties. Naia went off to look for a horse, and soon enough returned with a brown mare for Levi. The two other Titans had been dispatched by the left flank. 

_Everything is alright. They’re alive._

After an hour, they stopped to water the horses in a wide plain while the scouts wrote down the landmarks for the map. Levi jumped down from his horse, and his eyes instinctively sought out Erwin. When he spotted him, the brunet frowned. Erwin looked grim, and he was storming directly towards Levi. 

“What the hell was that?” Erwin hissed when he reached Levi, eyes blazing. 

“What are you talking about?” Levi snapped, anger rising. 

“You offered yourself up as bait? For the Titans? What were you thinking?” 

“I knew what I was doing,” Levi responded coolly, but his heart was racing. He didn’t understand what he’d done wrong, “We took down the Titans. They might have caught us.”

“Had you even _practiced_ that move before? You were supposed to notify the rest of the formation. Shadis was going for the trees, it would have allowed us to kill them easily.”

“I didn’t really have _time_ to notify the rest of the formation. You know as well as I do that we probably wouldn’t have reached the trees.” 

“The formation is there for a reason.”

“Your formation is stupid. There would have been casualties if my squad hadn’t taken them down.” 

Erwin sighed, the anger never leaving his eyes. 

“We’ll talk about this later. Keep to the formation this time.”

Levi turned his back on the blond. 

☼☼☼

Levi slammed the door to his room, pacing around furiously. The rest of the mission had gone on as smoothly as could be hoped. The casualties were minimal. But Levi wasn’t thinking about that. What had happened with Erwin trusting him? 

Someone knocked on his door. 

“Fuck off!” Levi snarled, not caring who it was. He was too worked up to talk to anyone at the moment. 

The door to his room opened anyways, and in stepped a furious-looking Erwin. 

“What the hell do you want?” Levi fixed him with the iciest glare he could muster. They were both Squad Leaders now. Erwin couldn’t punish him for insubordination. 

“Are you done with your tantrum?” Erwin snapped. Levi blinked for a second, shocked with the venom lacing the blond’s voice. He’d never heard him raise his voice like that before. 

“No, I’m not fucking done. You _said_ you trusted me. You said you were confident enough in my abilities as a soldier for me to have a squad of my own, to make my own decisions. And I made a call in the mission that not only brought down five Titans, but also probably _saved_ your Squad, and you yell at me? What the fuck Erwin? Where is that trust?” 

“You left the formation, you could have gotten your squad killed. Shadis had a plan.”

“But I didn’t! I made a call, the right call, with the information I had at the time and I was _right_. You should be _thanking_ _me_.” 

“Damn it, Levi, how hard is it for you to understand? _You_ could have died!”

Levi fell silent. His heart was racing. Erwin sighed audibly and ran a hand across his face. 

“You offered yourself up as _bait_ , Levi. You didn’t even have any trees to maneuver. You could have died. Do you imagine how I would feel if you’d died right after I promoted you? I saw the Titan killing your horse. I didn’t see you after that. I thought you’d _died_.” 

Levi felt disoriented. Was Erwin so worked up… because he’s been worried? Had the prospect of Levi dying scared him so much? 

Erwin didn’t look angry anymore. He looked confused and there was a certain urgency in his eyes that Levi had never seen before. 

“We can all die at any moment. I thought you knew that, better than anyone,” Levi finally murmured. 

After a few tense moments, Erwin‘s frown faded, to be replaced by what seemed like defeat. 

“I do. I know that. You’re right. I was out of line.” 

“Yeah, you were.”

The blond sighed, “You did the right thing. I was thinking of engaging too. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I reacted that way.”

“You have to trust me.” 

“I do, Levi. I know this incident may have made you think otherwise, but I do trust you. Wholeheartedly. I… It won’t happen again.” 

“Good.” 

They stared at each other for what may have been a few seconds, or a lifetime. Even though he was still furious, Levi couldn’t help but marvel at the openness of Erwin’s expression. _So much emotion, all for me._

“I should go. You’ll want to rest after the mission,” Erwin sighed. Levi nodded. Erwin turned around and started opening the door. 

Overcome with a sudden bout of boldness, Levi reached out and grabbed Erwin’s arm. The blond released his hold on the doorknob and turned to look at Levi with surprise. 

“I’ll try not to die. I promise.” 

Levi felt stupid saying the words. Of course he couldn’t promise that. Not with the life they led. But it had seemed right to say at the moment, and the grateful look that briefly flickered across Erwin’s face was enough. His impassive mask was back quicker than Levi had thought possible, but he’d still seen it. Erwin nodded, mutely, and Levi finally relinquished his hold on the blond’s arm. 

“Good night Levi.”

“Good night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you’re enjoying the story so far <3 There’s one more chapter left.


	4. Chapter IV

Levi’s second winter with the scouts arrived in a flurry of snow and cold temperatures. In the two-week vacation the Survey Corps received at the end of the year, Levi had taken to sitting in the ledge of the largest windows in the fortress, simply watching the snow fall. Erwin had found him the third day, and he now did his paperwork on one of the tables close to the window. Levi had been surprised by the amount of paperwork he had to do now he was a Squad Leader, but he barely had a third of the amount Erwin had to do. Shadis was laying off all the workload on the blond. 

“They should make you commander already. Shadis can’t even do his own paperwork,” Levi had protested one day. He knew Erwin probably preferred to do the paperwork himself lest Shadis make a mistake, but right now the paperwork was preventing Erwin from sitting next to him like he’d done the day before. 

“Yeah, well, Shadis doesn’t seem to want to retire anytime soon.” 

Levi blinked in surprise. This was the first time Erwin had admitted so openly that he wanted to become commander. 

“I hate paperwork,” the brunet mumbled, turning to the window. He heard a rustling of papers and when he looked back at Erwin saw he was standing up. Levi raised an eyebrow, and Erwin tilted his head to the side. 

“I could use a break,” the blond offered as an explanation, but his eyes glittered with amusement. 

When Erwin walked over to the ledge, Levi had to look away in embarrassment. Were his thoughts really that obvious? Erwin got up on the ledge and motioned for Levi to give him space. At first, they settled in with space between them, but after Erwin glanced around the room and paused for a second, he moved closer to the brunet. 

Levi almost sighed contentedly at the minimum physical contact between their arms. Erwin knew no one was going to find them up here, and therefore he could let his guard down. Levi had noticed the blond was freer with physical contact when there was no one around to see them. 

They didn’t talk. Talking while the snow was falling so softly outside and they felt so content seemed wrong. 

The moment was over sooner than Levi had hoped. Erwin sighed and got up, stretching his back. 

“Levi, there’s an event in the capital on the twenty-fifth. I’d like you to come.” 

_My birthday._

“What do you mean, event? You know how much I hate those entitled so-“

“Levi,” Erwin chastised him, but without any real bite, “Nile Dok is being promoted to commander of the Military Police. They’re making a ball in his honor.”

“And why do you want _me_ to go? Can’t you go with Shadis?” 

“These events are a great opportunity to secure funding for the Survey Corps. And you’re becoming a bit of a celebrity within the walls. They’re calling you Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. Showing you around might help influence some nobles into opening their wallets.” 

“So you’re bringing me around to parade me?”

Erwin raised an amused eyebrow, “if you want to call it that way.” 

Levi huffed in annoyance. He hated these stupid events. 

☼☼☼

Levi had to amend his thoughts from that day near the window. He didn’t just hate these events. He absolutely despised them. 

He was standing off to the side of the large ballroom, nursing a wine glass in his hand. Erwin was a few feet away, talking to a group of nobles. Every few seconds, the citizens of Sina glanced back at him and quickly averted their gazes when they met Levi’s icy glare. 

He hated that Erwin had to use him to raise funding. He wasn’t mad at Erwin himself, because the blond was simply taking advantage of the situation. What he hated was that the only way for these stupid nobles to give the Survey Corps funding was if Erwin waved his prize dog in front of their faces. 

When all the nobles that were talking to Erwin simultaneously turned their heads to look at Levi, the brunet decided that he’d had enough. He left the ballroom and slipped into one of the adjacent rooms he had seen earlier when he’d come in. The room had a balcony at the end, and he stepped outside for a breath of fresh air. 

He just wanted this stupid party to be over. He wasn’t being much help with securing funding apart from being “Humanity’s Strongest.” And as Erwin had instructed him to talk as little as he could and just “don’t look as if you want to kill everyone” (his exact words), Levi thought there was no harm done in stepping outside. Everyone important had already seen him anyway. 

His peace was interrupted a few minutes later. 

“Levi? Why did you leave? Are you okay?”

Levi sighed. Leave it to Erwin to find his hiding spot. He turned around to glare at the blond, who was stepping out onto the balcony. 

“I was bored,” he shrugged, “You seemed to have those nobles handled anyways.” 

Erwin smiled, and Levi frowned. The blond’s cheeks were rosy with the alcohol. It seemed to make Erwin smile more. 

“It’s a shame,” Erwin said, leaning against the balcony railing next to Levi, “I actually thought you were having fun.” 

Levi sniffed indignantly. “Are you shitting me? As if I could have fun with these assholes.” 

“I was making a joke.” 

“It wasn’t funny.” 

Erwin kept on smiling, ignoring the attack, and Levi felt his bad mood fading. Erwin looked beautiful when he was happy. 

“Do you dance?”

“What?” 

“I asked if you could dance.” 

Levi was convinced Erwin had gone crazy. He pinched his forehead between his fingers, in an exaggerated show of annoyance. 

“What do you think?” 

Erwin shrugged. “I could teach you.” 

“Erwin, do I look like someone who would _enjoy_ dancing?” 

“Come on, Levi, I assure you it's not as bad as it looks,” Erwin smiled and moved his body so that he was face to face with the brunet, “take my hand.”

Levi’s eyes opened wide, darting between Erwin’s face and the offered hand. What was Erwin trying to achieve with all this? Did he really want to dance with _him_ , when he could be dancing with any other person back at the party?

Slowly, Levi reached out and grabbed hold of Erwin, squeezing his hand gently. The blond squeezed back and pulled Levi close to him, resting a hand on his back. Levi had to tilt his head back to gaze up at the blond, who was smiling down at him, eyes shining. 

“All right?”

No, it wasn’t all right, because Levi felt like he was going to faint, which was very possible with the way his heart was beating at the moment. This couldn’t possibly be happening right now. He shouldn’t be standing so close to Erwin. Not here. Erwin’s hand on his back felt like it was burning a hole through the fabric. He felt a sudden flash of panic and tensed his body, making Erwin frown. 

“I- We should- Erwin, someone might see us…” 

Erwin’s smile faded slightly. He nodded and stepped away from Levi. 

“You’re right,” Erwin looked away, back to the party, “Another time, then?”

Levi’s mouth dropped open slightly, and Erwin tilted his head to the side, the smile returning. 

“I’ll hold you to that, Levi. Another day, when we’re alone. Yes?”

Levi nodded mutely, too awestruck and confused to answer. Erwin wanted to dance. With _him_. While they were alone? 

_He’s drunk. He doesn’t really mean it. Tomorrow morning he’s going to apologize for his behavior. Don’t go on getting any ideas._

But Levi couldn’t help getting ideas. Dancing together when they were alone… It felt too intimate, and definitely not something simple comrades did to pass the time. Was Erwin…? No. Impossible. 

_Stop it. He’s just drunk. Get him back to the party._

“Come on,” the brunet said, finally regaining his voice, “we should go back.”

☼☼☼

“Erwin, let’s go.”

“Don’t you want to stay for a little longer?” 

Levi wanted to tear his hair out in annoyance. He was tired and grumpy and the party was already _ending,_ but for some reason, Erwin had insisted they stay. Even Shadis had already left. Levi sighed; he would have to resort to extreme measures. 

“Erwin, please, let’s leave. Please.”

That seemed to do the trick. Erwin’s eyes widened and he blinked incredulously at the brunet. Levi couldn’t blame him; he wouldn’t be surprised if this was the first time Erwin had heard Levi say the word ‘please.’ 

“Oh… yes, of course. Let’s go.”

After offering their final congratulations to Nile, Levi was finally able to leave that godforsaken ballroom. On the way back to the hotel that they were staying at, Erwin tried to start a conversation, but Levi was only answering in monosyllables. His mind was too preoccupied with the events of the party. 

After they’d left the balcony, Erwin hadn’t let him out of his sight for the rest of the night. They’d talked side by side to everyone that approached them, so close that their shoulders brushed. Erwin had even accompanied Levi to get another drink. 

_He probably thinks I’d get bored on my own. That has to be it._

When they were in front of their rooms, Levi turned to bid Erwin good night, but the man beat him to it. 

“I need to speak to you about something.”

“What?”

Erwin glanced pointedly at Levi’s door. The brunet frowned and nodded, letting them both inside. Erwin made himself comfortable sitting on Levi’s bed, and Levi busied himself making black tea. He felt something akin to butterflies in his stomach. Was Erwin going to ask him to dance again? They were alone now… 

“What did you want to say?” Levi called, voice sharp, facing away from the blond. He was feeling nervous and just wanted for Erwin to say whatever he had to say. 

“I found out that a group of nobles is trying to take away funding from the Corps. They’re saying it's a waste of taxpayer money, and that we should just be dismantled.”

“But they’ve always said that, no?”

Erwin ran a nervous hand through his hair. “Yes, of course, there’s always been people who don’t believe in the Survey Corps’ mission. But it seems that now they’ve organized themselves. It’s a more concrete movement. They’ve been working at the other nobles for a while now, that’s why we’ve seen decreased funding in the last few months. Today I brought you along to remind them why we’re doing what we’re doing.”

“Those fuckers,” Levi snarled, “That’s why I hate them.”

Erwin huffed bitterly. Levi grabbed the tea and went to sit next to Erwin, handing him a cup. They sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping their tea, facing each other without making eye contact, too preoccupied with their own thoughts. Finally, Levi spoke. 

“So what’s your plan?”

When Erwin looked up in surprise, Levi rolled his eyes. 

“You always have a plan. Hell, you’ve probably already thought up ten different ways to solve this problem. So what are we going to do?”

Erwin smiled, and Levi felt warmth spreading through his body. 

“I do, actually. But I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

“Why not now?”

Erwin shrugged, “This is nicer.”

Levi almost asked what “this” was, but he thought better of it. He didn’t want to talk about politics, or budgets, or Titans. Sitting here, drinking tea in silence with Erwin, was much nicer. After they’d both finished with their cups, Erwin stood up and took them to the table. When he returned, he sat down much closer than he normally did, and looked at Levi squarely in the eyes. 

Levi inhaled, and the scent of whiskey and sweat and tea and that smell that was so characteristically Erwin filled his nostrils. His heart fluttered weakly, threatening to give out. Erwin was still smiling at him softly, never taking his eyes off Levi’s. 

_How can you be so oblivious Erwin? How can’t you hear my heart beating?_

The silence was getting too much to bear. Levi normally enjoyed the silence, but not when Erwin was looking at him like that. He needed to speak to break the silence and the tension that was gathering like sweat on his skin. 

“You know, today is my birthday...”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Levi turned his gaze away. Why had he said that? No one apart from his mom had known when his birthday was, and it had seemed stupid to celebrate it when the world was going up in flames. But every day it became clearer that all of his normal rules didn’t seem to apply when it came to Erwin. 

“What?” Erwin’s eyes widened. Levi loved watching him like this, unguarded, emotions clear on his face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Don’t know. Didn’t think it was important.”

Erwin’s lips parted slightly in surprise. Levi tried to prevent his gaze from darting down to look at them. He just hoped Erwin didn’t notice. 

“Of course it’s important. You should have told me sooner, and I’d have gotten you a present.”

Levi frowned, “A present? Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I insist. What do you want?”

Levi felt embarrassed and flustered all at once. His stomach was feeling weird and oh _god_ why did every little thing that Erwin did make him feel like this?

“Drop it, Erwin. I don’t want anything.”

Erwin looked down, and after a few seconds, locked eyes with Levi. His eyes were shining and his cheeks, unless Levi was imagining things, were slowly turning a soft shade of pink. 

And suddenly Erwin was scooting down the bed to move closer to Levi and the brunet’s mind went blank. When Erwin got so close that their thighs were touching, Levi’s heart threatened to jump out of his chest. When the blond raised two hands to cup Levi’s cheeks, he felt lightheaded. When Erwin tilted Levi’s face upwards so that their lips were close and their breaths were mingling, Levi thought his heart actually stopped. 

“If you don’t want a present,” Erwin whispered, eyes never leaving Levi’s own, “at least let me give you this.”

And then Erwin closed the distance between their lips and Levi’s world exploded. The kiss was soft and sweet and he didn’t even have time to process what was happening before Erwin had pulled away. The brunet raised a hand to his tingling lips, body on fire, unable to take his eyes off Erwin. The blond smiled an unguarded, beautiful, open smile, and got up shakily. 

“Happy birthday Levi.”

And then he walked to the door and left. Distantly, he heard the door to Erwin’s room open and then click shut. 

Levi took off his clothes and stepped into bed in a trance, mind blank. It wasn’t until he was laying down with his eyes clothes that the reality of what had just happened hit him like a punch to the gut. 

“Oh my god.” 

His voice was shaky, and he raised a hand to his lips to prevent more sounds from getting out. 

_Oh my fucking god._

Never in his wildest dreams had he predicted this would happen. Erwin was… he wasn’t… no. During all the hours he’d spent thinking about the blond, in every single scenario that he’d imagined, not once had Levi dared hope Erwin felt something back. It was simply impossible. And now Erwin had gone and set Levi’s world on fire with a kiss. A _kiss._

_Erwin Smith just kissed me._

It was just a kiss and it probably meant nothing, but in that moment it meant absolutely everything to Levi. And if Erwin hadn’t meant it like Levi hoped he’d meant it then… 

_He kissed me._

Levi turned over to his side, mind reeling. He remembered a story Kenny had told him once, in one of those rare moments in which he’d acted like a father, of a boy called Icarus, who had wax wings that could make him fly like a bird. The boy’s father had made him the wings and warned him not to fly too close to the sun, for the wax would melt with the heat. But Icarus had gotten greedy, too enamored with the gold and the warmth the sun offered, and believing himself invincible, had risen higher and higher until he could almost touch the sun. Blinded by the light and the glory, he hadn’t noticed his wings were melting until he was plummeting towards the sea, to his death. 

At the time, Levi had rolled his eyes at the story. Why would the stupid boy fly close to the sun if he had been warned of the consequences? Kenny had glared at him. 

“You think you’re so smart, don’t you brat? Let me tell you, life’s going to hit you like a bitch. We’ve all been Icarus at one point or another in our lives.”

“ _I_ won’t be,” Levi had declared, eyes defiant and shining with the innocence of youth, “I will _never_ be like Icarus.” 

And here he was, more than ten years later, feeling like an idiot. Because Levi was Icarus and Erwin was the sun and even though Kenny had _warned_ him, even though Levi had known that this was _exactly_ how things would end, he’d still fallen for Erwin. He’d gotten too greedy. He’d been too enamored by Erwin’s mind and his heart and those private smiles he shared only with him that he hadn’t realized that he was in over his head. He couldn’t possibly keep up with Erwin, not when a single kiss of his made Levi feel like the world was falling apart. He hadn’t allowed someone to have so much control over him for his entire life, and now Erwin seemed to pull all the strings. If he felt like this now, how would Erwin’s rejection in the morning make him feel? In his ignorance, he’d flown too close to the sun, cared too much, loved too much. And now Levi was hanging on by a thread, wings burnt to a crisp, and only Erwin had the power to either keep him flying or send him to his death with a simple word. 

_You are burning me, Erwin Smith._

☼☼☼

The carriage ride back to headquarters was torture. Erwin and Levi had had to sit in the same bench, and apart for an awkward glance when they’d both gotten on the carriage in the morning, not once had they dared look at each other. They opted instead to look out the window or at the hungover Shadis on the bench opposite theirs. When they finally reached headquarters, it was all Levi could do to not jump out of the carriage and run to his room. He felt sick. 

_Of course he would regret it all today. He was drunk, and not thinking clearly. I was so stupid._

But when his feet landed on the floor after Shadis had finally been able to get out of the carriage, he heard his name being called. 

“Levi, I need to talk to you about something.”

_Fuck._

“Does it need to be right now?”

He refused to turn around. He couldn’t look at Erwin. 

“Yes, Levi, right now. Let’s go to my office.”

Erwin passed the brunet without looking back, and Levi felt his stomach drop. He followed the blond all the way to his office, heart hammering. Why hadn’t he just pushed Erwin away? It would have made everything easier. Now he’d have to put up with whatever shitty excuse Erwin came up with. 

They slipped into the office and Levi immediately crossed to the other side of the room, leaning against the wall with crossed arms. Erwin frowned at him while he closed the door. 

“Look, Levi… I think I mi-”

“If you’re going to say you did it because you were drunk, or some other shitty excuse, then spare me. I get it.”

Levi just went out and said it. He couldn’t handle this awkward tension anymore. At least now he had given Erwin an easy way out. 

The blond looked taken aback for a second before that frown was back on his face. He cleared his throat. 

“I’m sorry, Levi. I misread the situation. What I did was inappropriate and I’m very sorry if I offended you.”

_Wait, what the fuck?_

“Wait, what?”

“I overstepped the bounds. I’m very so-”

“What? Erwin, what do you mean, you overstepped the bounds?”

Erwin looked confused, frown deepening. Levi was sure the same expression was mirrored on his own face. Erwin cleared his throat again, his gaze darting around the office as if looking for a way out. 

“I shouldn’t have kissed you without ask-”

“Do you regret it?” Levi interrupted. He felt lightheaded, and this was not going the way he’d thought it was going to go, and he wouldn’t normally have hope but right now he _couldn’t_ help it.

“I… do you?”

The men stared at each other for a second… two… before Levi shook his head, a small movement that was barely noticeable. 

It was enough. Erwin’s face visibly relaxed and he ran his hands over his hair, a nervous tick that Levi loved. He would have appreciated the view if he wasn’t so tense. 

“You don’t?”

“I already said no, idiot, are you blind?” 

Erwin’s face broke out into the warmest smile Levi had ever seen and the brunet couldn’t help the rush of blood that rose to his cheeks. 

“I-idiot! Don’t look at me like that!” Levi stammered, too flustered by the smile on Erwin’s face. His hope was growing by the second, but he couldn’t be sure, not yet, not until he knew for certain. 

“You didn’t answer the question, Erwin,” he protested weakly, “Do you regret it?” 

“I… of course I don’t regret it, Levi. _I_ kissed _you_ , didn’t I?”

“Tch,” Levi rolled his eyes, “It wasn’t even a proper kiss.”

Levi feigned nonchalance, as he always did, even as his head swam and his cheeks burned and his heart beat furiously in his chest. Erwin didn’t regret the kiss. He didn’t regret _him_. 

He couldn’t let Erwin know just how much he cared for him. Not right now. But it didn’t matter. _This is enough._

And when Erwin smiled that beautiful smile that was for Levi and Levi only, and kissed him for the second time, Levi thought that maybe the sun wasn’t burning him so much anymore, and that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t suffer Icarus’s fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s all :) I hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know what you think <3 might continue writing. I loved writing this so much.


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